Have you ever noticed the unsaid terms and conditions, which we start putting in our relationships? Why we feel offended when a person who is very close to us, even slightly deviates from his normal behaviour. Actually not normal … I should say expected behaviour. When a person deviates from his expected behaviour we feel bad. This leads to anger and irritation…... and ego too. Let's talk aout a mistake that all of us do when it comes to close relationships.

I would give you an imaginary situation. Imagine…. A very close friend of yours, who is a very easy going person and you share a very good relationship with him. He is the kind of person, who is available any time and for any problem. He is the kind of person whose presence gives relief and security. You trust him a lot. And you know his affection is very genuine. In Hindi we say “Voh banda apna lagta hai”.

 Now imagine, This friend of yours has a car and you don’t. While going to home from his office he drops you at your doorstep everyday. Your place is not exactly in his route but this fellow doesn’t mind taking a little longer route coz he likes you and enjoys to go with you. One day, He called you and told you that he couldn’t take you along coz he is tired and wants to reach home early today. He also apologised for it.

You would feel bad. It’s obvious and it’s a very human behaviour. We are not saints. We feel bad coz it wasn’t ‘expected’ from him. How come he couldn’t come just coz he is tired? He was never-ever tired before.. Is he ignoring me now? Has he acted like this because he turning snob? He has car and I don’t… Is that what causing the differences? Has he changed? Someday I would buy my own car.

These things would come in your sub-conscious mind. NOT in your conscious mind coz you KNOW it’s wrong to think such things over a small incident. So it would

Never come in your conscious mind and would keep you guilt free. But these subconscious thoughts would lead to insecurities. You love that person and you fear that he is changing.

Ok… so Next day, you won’t call after office hours, so that he could come coz and pick you up. He would call you and you would give a lame excuse in you dull tone (so that he could sense something is not correct). If he asks you are angry or upset, you won’t admit. (You won’t tell him… you want him to guess… that’s the penalty of loving someone)

Same thing you might do to him 3-4 times. He would get the signal. Now he knows what is happening.  His brain and his ego would get activated too. What goes in his mind is that “Man… he/she is so thankless and egoistic .. for last 4 month I am going out of my way taking all the pain to drive so long and drop him/her to his/her doorstep. I am acting like a driver. Now, Just coz I had a genuine reason for not coming he/she has started throwing attitude. Anyways, It’s his/her wish.”

Unfortunately, These thoughts would come in his subconscious mind.. But in his conscious mind he would just conclude that he/she (you) is egoistic and not understanding. He would be driven by his ego and probably would not call you again to pick you up.

The problem happened above is not a major one and would be resolved in next one month or so. Things would be all right and their friendship would be like same again. But that’s coz the situation above is simple, and is not complex…… like our real life. In real life, problems are even more comlicated and in that case these ego wars may last for longer periods and could give some kind of sourness in the relationship even after the patch-up.

We feel offended if a close friend refuses to lend money. If a friend refuses to baby-sit your kid. If he refuses to keep your dog while you are on vacation. If he couldn’t come to see your ill father. If he forgets to wish you on birthday. (If the friend is very close or is your boyfriend/girlfriend then ) If he/she forgets to wish you at dott 00:00 AM on your birthday. If your husband fails to notice your new dress. If your mom forgets to cook your favourite dish for lunch, which you asked to. List is endless (Actually I couldn't think of something strong right now hehehe ... There are some issues which are issuless but hurts more)

But if try to understand, the fact which comes out is that the problem is with us. We expected too much from the person. We dictate unsaid terms and conditions in our relationship and we modifie them ..and start expecting more and more, as the relationship develops. We were bound to get hurt coz obviously he/she would surely would break it someday. That’s why often very close relationships turns sour with no clear explanation.

It’s better not to expect and then everything would come to you as a gift package.

Sometime we act cruel to those..... whom we love most. I would give a small example and things would be clear. 

Remember the colleague, who sits two tables away from you. He creates lots of trouble to you. He snoops in your life. Steals your ideas. Does your back-biting. Gives sarcastic comments.  Despite all this you never show him on his face that you don’t like him, coz he is close to your boss. You invite him to your birthday party so that things could be improved with him. (And in hindi we say…. Yaar sab se bana ke rakhni padti hai).

It’s an irony, We suppress our egos for those who are least important in our life. And we throw all our frustration and irritation on a person who actually matters. We hurt him coz we know he would get hurt. But doesn’t he deserve more understanding, more tolerant and ego less behaviour from you? Think.    

The moment we start going against our instincts, things will be improve and life would be improve.

But the funda is ……. Give love with no hidden conditions.

PS: There are many selfish people in this world who would borrow your car but would refuse to give his car, when you need. Or would take your help but refuse to do anything in return.. Such people need to be kicked out of life. You don’t need to care about them.

I have written this article so that you could forgive a person’s mistake, whom you know….. is actually good at heart and you know….. despite all his mistake… he loves you dil se.

Not even for a milli-second of my life I realized that cooking food (everyday) is such a big job. Actually mom, it was your mistake... because you are so expert in it that after looking at you, managing kitchen always seemed to be an easy and simple task. I always use to think… OK.. She is a mom… it’s her duty to cook food… thrice a day…. tasty food… and that too of my choice.

Now, Every time I cook food in Mumbai, I just think of you. Now I know that cooking means messing spices on the slab…. Messing the whole kitchen…. Standing near the flame and stir continuously… tolerating smelly steam falling on your face from the cooker…. Checking the flavour after every 2 minutes and then to add water, salt, spices etc accordingly (Actually I think this is the worst part of cooking… I don’t know how do you do it…. coz after sipping that half cooked curry again and again... by the time I finish cooking, I don’t feel like eating …. And coz of that, eating too becomes a job).

And you know…. I think twice.. even before using a spoon. I know it would be ME, who would be washing it immediately* after finishing the meal. (*Taste of my meal is still in my mouth when I start washing my dishes coz once the utensils get dried in the air, you might need all your muscle power to rub the food off from it). Mom, I think of you when I am going through all this. And I feel guilty and ashamed. I remember as a kid, so many times I turned away the food you cooked for me…..  Without uttering a single word you would cook something else again. How come… How come you tolerated a brat like me???? Not even for once you felt like trashing me for being such a thankless trouble making kid?  Mom Tussi Great ho.

PS: And you know…. The one scene from our old days which keeps coming in my mind is… Remember …  How in between your cooking session, You would be come to the tv room to have a glance of your favorite song on chitrahaar..... holding a kalchhee in you hand and sweat on your forehead..... And then after a minute, you would rush back to the kitchen and would ask to keep the volume high.   

Tying laces but looking in the mirror

I saw a guy in my gym (no need to specify his name coz they all look alike), He was tying his shoelaces in the gym’s changing room but he was staring  himself in the mirror, instead of looking at the shoe. May be he was just checking how he looks when he ties his shoelaces.

 This gym is full of self-obsessed youngsters. Most of them are aspiring actors. (Aspiring sounds better than struggling..  It has some dignity).I find it strange when they look at themselves in the mirror and make faces (as if they are trying to seduce themselves). It’s kind of embarrassing, coz this is the same thing I used to do in my previous gym.(and worst was…..it was a gym for corporate crowd). After watching these guys (and girls of course) I got to understand how weird this habit is.  (But honestly speaking it just happens… you can’t help…..)

PS: Before you start reading my blog, I would like too share a thought with you which someone told me "Language is just a tool, used to express your ideas." My tool is not in a good shape but it has power of ideas. (OMG.... It sounds a little vulgar.... !!!!!)

English is not my first language... I have learn this language after getting beaten up in the school........ and then after getting embarrassed in the college..... and after facing discrimination at work place. In short, My blog would still give you lots of chances to target me  on my English or punctuation. But I would suggest you that read it for fun.... you may find something interesting. Coz bad English doesn't mean bad observation of life. Hai na!!!!